Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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