Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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