i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
