I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
