Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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