i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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