I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I love black thongs
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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