This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
