I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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