i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize