dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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