your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
