the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
