I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
