I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
