Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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