I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
