We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
