I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
