So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
