Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
3pm strippers are depressing
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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