Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
