dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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