How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
