If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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