I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
