he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
