I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
