Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
