This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
