I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
