I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
