Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
