U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
