This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
