how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
do herpes really smell.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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