Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
