the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
