i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
