you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
