Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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