the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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