My sheets look like a crime scene.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
