Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
