Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
