Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i think my cat just said my name.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
