i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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