i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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