I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Too much gin, very little bucket
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
