Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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